Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Part one: Beyond the light

Nothing.  I sense only darkness and nothing.  It’s as if I don’t exist anymore.  What’s happening? Am I losing my mind?  Or maybe I’m just lost in my mind.  So what is it? Am I awake? Is this a dream?

I don’t think I am dreaming because in dreams you don’t have all your sensations, and I can feel things.  My senses are still with me.  But I’m still not sure what’s happening.  I feel like I’m lying on a cloud – a soft warm cloud.  A strange sensation is coming over me.  It’s an amazing sense of belonging like I’ve never felt before.  Well, I might have felt it before, but I lost it a long time ago. I sense something else too, something physical.  It’s big and it’s warm, very warm. It’s a hand on my stomach and it’s starting to move up toward my chest. I’m a wake, but I think my eyes are closed.  I can’t see a thing, just a pitch-black void.  For a moment I panic.  Then I hear a soft soothing whisper in my ear.

Voice: “Open your eyes, beautiful. No need to be afraid. You are safe.”

Such gentle words from such a warm sweet voice.  My moment of panic quickly fades.  Slowly my eyelids lift, but when they are open I still can’t see anything.  Instead of blackness, now there is just pure bright white – blinding white.  Then an image starts to form in front of me.  The first thing to enchant me about it was a pair of sparkling blue diamonds, so incredibly blue that the waters of the Atlantic  under a summer sun would pale in comparison.  Then I saw two cherries, one on top of the other, so serene, inviting me for a kiss.  I saw dark brown hair draped over fair creamy skin.  It’s an angel.

Angel: “Markus. Are you awake now?”

That face! That beautiful face! It was more a beautiful enchantment that instantly had me in complete submission.  I was mesmerized.  I couldn’t utter a single word.

Angel: “My love.  My heart.  My soul. Promise me.  Promise me that we shall never part again. Promise!”

It took a second to muster enough strength to answer. “Yes, I promise… I will never leave again!”

Then a door in my mind began to open.  I could actually see it.  And as I entered floods of memories engulfed me. Some I recognized, but most were completely bizarre.  Places that felt like home, but that I know I had never been to.  And faces of friends I’d never met.  Faces of enemies I’d never even imagined.  I felt conflicting senses of happiness and sadness, anger and calm, complete ecstasy and an overwhelming sense of loss.  But one thing provided constant reassurance.  It was that face.  That face by my side through all of the memories. It was the face of the angel next to me right now.

Then, through the other side of the door in my mind I saw my mom.  She was sitting next to a bed.  It looked like a hospital bed.  She was crying.  I want to go to her.

Angel: “Markus, go. Go, but remember your promise… never forget your promise to me!”

A sudden flutter of movement and then a kiss.  I’m lost.  I’m completely lost in my angel’s arms.  Our lips fit perfectly as if by design.  For a brief moment I completely forget my mother.  My mother, she’s crying I remembered. I must go to her.  But how? How can I break free of this enchantment, this spell cast by this wonderful angel?  I’m nothing but a slave to this sublime kiss.  The only way for me to go is if my angel wills it.

Then our lips part. But my body is screaming to hold my angel again. But I have to go. My mother is there and she needs me. I got up from the soft cloud and headed to the door, to my mom on the other side.  I entered and paused on the threshold to look back to the beautiful angel.  What thoughts I had!  Will my angel still be there?  Is this just a dream?  Our eyes locked for a moment, and I knew that this was no dream.

Angel: “Don’t forget your promise, my love.  Don’t forget your promise!”

I turned away and went through the door to my mom.  She was in a state I’d never seen before.

Markus:  “Mom!  What’s the matter?  Why are you crying? Mom?  Mom?!”

As if my voice were less than a whisper, she couldn’t hear me.  And as if I were a shadow surrounded by light, she couldn’t see me.  The doctors were rushing to the bed.  They had equipment with them.  A nurse, grim with concern, come to my mother. 

Nurse: “Mrs. Baylack, you have to come with us. We’ll take care of your son.”

Your son?  Who are they talking about?  Did one my brothers get hurt?  I looked all around, then I looked at the bed.  I just couldn’t believe it.

Mrs. Baylock: “Please! You just have to save him!  You have to save my son, my Markus!”

Markus?  They’re talking about me.  The doctors, the nurse and mom are talking about me!  I was the one in the bed.  As I see it, I still can’t believe that it’s happening.

A machine next to the bed was beeping.  First a series of frantic beeps.  Then it just stopped.  The doctors scrambled to shock me back.  The machine would start again with faint the beeps. Then it would stop again.  Once more, they shocked me. But this time no beep.

One of the doctors turned to my mom.

Doctor:  “I’m sorry Mrs. Baylock.  We did everything we could.  He’s gone.”

My gut opened as I saw my mom fall to her knees and let out a deep wail.  I was gone and my mom was in agony.

No! This isn’t happening!  This can’t be happening!  I’m right here!

Markus: “MOM! MOM! I’m here!” I screamed. “MOM! Can’t you hear me? MOM?  Can’t you see me? Can’t you feel me?  I’m here! I’m HERE!”

Then a light suddenly blinded me.  It overtook me and completely engulfed me.

“NOOOOO!”  I screamed.  I could hardly breathe.

Suddenly, I jolted awake. I was in my own bed at home, covered in a cold sweat. But one good thing about that – I was alive!  So it was a dream – nothing more than a dream.  But it was so real. I felt it. I smelled it. I experienced it.  But it must have just been a dream – the  most vivid and real dream I’ve ever had.

             Ok.  Enough with this.  I need to get up.  I need to get ready for school.  Val will be waiting for me.


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